I thought of this list while I was at dad's doing laundry (again) because Kiera felt the need to pee on my bed (after I just got done washing those sheets and bed spread last night, so now the bedroom is Kitteh Free Zone for an indefinite time frame). I was watching on the Travel Channel a show called Ghost Adventures and it, of course, got me all creeped out. And got me thinking about the entity in dad's basement. Anyway, here's my list of weird things I do. Why I'm sharing, I dunno. Hopefully if you see me doing any one of these things, you'll remember this list and not think I'm too weird.

1. Count to 3 (let 3 steps pass) when I'm getting on a down escalator
2. Cross myself when I go down into dad's basement when I'm home by myself (because of the entity)
3. Insist on collecting all available color options of a lacey cami offered at Lane Bryant [this only shows 3 colors: Golden Palm, Peacoat Blue, Black but I also have it in: cream, lime green, lavender, royal purple, magenta, wine/burgundy, pale blue... I think that's all of them]
4. If I'm eating an onion ring (which is seldom) and the onion comes out of the batter part than just the bite-sized piece, I have to pull the whole thing out and just eat the breading
5. I pick out the white crunchy boney parts of lettuce in a sammich/burrito/salad
6. I walk up/down the basement stairs with my back to the wall (see #2)

I thought I had one or two more, but I guess they slipped away when I was driving home tonight. Oh well.

Does anyone know where I can get a statue of St. Francis de Sales? I need one for my office.

... Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken. Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide..."
Hello by Evanescence.

I swear to God something is wrong with me. Really honest to God, wrong with me. For the last two weeks I've been exhausted. But strangely restless all at the same time. I get home from work, sit in the glide chair, but only stay there for maybe 40 minutes because I'm tired of moving and shifting in the seat trying to find a comfortable position. Then I move to the couch, curl up with some pillows and my fire blanket (i made it btw), to watch after-work-cartoons... and I wake up almost 2 hours later, not realizing I had fallen asleep. Then for the next few hours before I make myself go to bed, I bounce back and forth from couch, to chair, to computer desk, to couch, to chair, to couch, computer desk... then it's about 1230am and I have to get up in about 5.5 hours to get to work... Something's wrong with me.

I'm listless, restless, yet tired and lethargic. My brain is fuzzy and it's hard to concentrate at times. I still see those damned little black/silver flashes at the edge of my peripheral vision... and nothing's there. I see shapes while driving home (mostly at night) that I swear to God are things... people... animals... spirits... I don't know. I feel strangely excited at times, almost super anxious, with that tight feeling in my chest, with this odd lingering feeling something is going to happen, this faint cloud of dread just hanging in the background... for no apparent reason. My mind skips and jumps from one topic to the next, making it hard to respond to people when they ask me a question because I have to reign my mind in to organize a thought to say. At my DBT class, and even at work, when my instructor/MOD asks me a question, I have to pause and stare off into space for a moment while I smack my mind back into cooperation so I can answer their damned question.

This all started about a... a month ago. Before Monday's big incident. I was seeing my psychiatrist for my then 3 month check-in, and I told her about the seeing things out of the corner of my eyes, and the feeling of "heightened excitement", even borderline racing thoughts, and my doctor said to keep an eye on it, since it could be my body has finally adjusted to the 112.5 mg of Effexor XR I've been on. And it is a slight stimulant, so it could also be playing little stimulant games with my senses. Well... after this week's little incident... I'm going to tell her that it's not just the Effexor bumping up my senses like Wolverine or something. Especially with how foggy and intangible my mind has been lately... that's not a good sign. I've also been pouring over my DSM-IV-TR to see if I can find some possibilities... but not to any luck. If meowvatar is right in her assumption/suggestion and this might be a Thought Disorder or an Axis I issue... then I'm up a creek without a paddle. I don't know those as well as the Anxiety or Mood Disorders (both of which I'm diagnosed with). Axis I disorders are more clinical (physiological) in nature, so they need tests and all those fun things to figure out if there's something physically wrong with my head. I had a CT Scan on my head two years ago, when I was having a lot of migraines in a short period of time, and my (normal) doctor thought that maybe there was something structurally off with my brain; but the CT scan showed nothing structurally (physically) wrong... so... I dunno. Can something like that change that much in 2 years? Or do I maybe have a more serious diagnosis than Major Depressive Disorder, Recurrent, Moderate, w/ Anxiety NOS. (Yeah, I remember my diagnosis...)

*dug out my DSM-IV-TR* Ahem... I am... (as close as I can get it without consulting my psychiatrists' files on me...)

Axis II    296.33     Major Depressive Disorder, Recurrent, Moderate
             300.00     Anxiety Disorder NOS (Not Otherwise Specified)

*le sigh* My head hurts.

It has been decided. Yes. And it will be wonderful. I've always wanted to go to the East Coast, and actually visit some of the states there, instead of just passing through on flight layovers. So it has been decided, that my next Annual Big Spring Trip 2008 will be to Baltimore, Maryland. Why there? Because for many reasons. I just learned that the Edgar Allan Poe Museum and Grave Site is there. How sweet is that? (a side note: his 200th birthday will be January 19, 2009). As well as Duff Goldman. Who's Duff Goldman? you may ask. Well, I'll tell you. He's the owner and chef of Charm City Cakes and also has a Food Network show called Ace of Cakes. I have become addicted to that show, and I've decided I am going to marry Duff Goldman. Yeah. So, in order to fulfill my new goal in life, I need to go to Baltimore and collect my husband. Hehehe.

Actually, I'd like to go to get some East Coast/New England states under my belt (and magnets into my USA state collection), as well as see the Charm City Cakes building. After reading on their website, I can't see them make any cakes, or go inside, cuz they are so busy; but I'd be happy just to get my picture taken outside of the shop. Yeah. And also see EAP's grave site and house. I hear it's haunted! Wooo! There are also fun museums and aquariums, shops and fun cultural areas in Baltimore as well. So why not go? It'd be fun! Oooh! And if it works out (have some more research to do...) I might be able to squeeze a trip to the Mutter Museum too!! Hot damn! So I'm planning that trip for sometime in April or May. It's still early enough in the summer tourist season, so hotels won't be booked, and stuff won't be too e'spendy. I also have my hostel book from planning my defunk'd trip to Ottawa, so maybe I can look up a nice hostel to stay at. I'm also thinking of taking a train. That way I don't have to drive (unless someone wants to come with me...) and I can see more of the country than on a plane. And the things I'm hearing about our airports and people getting stuck in the plane on the tarmac and having almost 45% of flights being delayed and/or canceled... I think I'm going to start looking for alternate transportation.

Now the question is... I'd rather not go alone. Who'd like to come with me? A fun near-week-long trip out to the heart of our nation. It'd be fun! I promise! And there'd also be a fun My Time in Baltimore comic about our adventures! If there are no takers, I understand. I don't mind going by myself. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself and tie my own shoes and ev'rythang! Squee!

So yeah. That's my new plan. It's fun! Hopefully, this trip will work out. I'm tired of trips not working out for me. I also have another trip in the works to go see Phil & Shi & Barrett in St. Louis sometime in November, once I get settled into my new position at work, and they've settled more into their new house. Yeah. Hot damn.

Okay. Now that's been settled, and slightly researched... time for Death Note 4. ^_^

Got back from camping in the Dells last night. We had to cut our camping trip short because Saturday it rained. And when I say it rained, it rained. I think that once it started raining in the late morning... we had about 3-5 hours of nonrain. It was crazy! So Sunday, after our tent mildly flooding and Annie and I sleeping in Diana's car [our sleeping bags were soaked], we decided to call it a day and pack up. But the rest of the trip was great!

( I just sneezed, like, 10 times in a row! )

So yeah. That was my fun weekend! Despite rain and some pissy bitchy cranky people/moments, it was a great weekend (I think we might make this into a yearly/regular thing for this group of people). I needed it. I'm really not torn up that I missed my grandma's funeral. Really. Just the week I'd had last week, and the crap with my checking account (which I'll need to figure out with my dad later), I just needed a few days to just go out and have fun and not worry about stuff. The only thing I had to worry about really was how burnt I wanted my hot dog, how toasty to make my s'more, and how many shots of Cap'n Morgan, McGillicuddy's, and Peppermint Schnapps I was going to have in between my Bacardis. Hehehe. Yeah. Good times.

It's gonna be hard to crawl my ass into work tomorrow.

I got tagged by lele244. This was actually harder to fill out than I thought!

1. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
2. Tag seven people to do the same.
3. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag whoever wants to do it.

1. I can touch my nose with my tongue.

2. One of my eyes, I'm pretty sure it's my right eye, is more green-blue than my other eye, which is blue.

3. If I sing around you, either to whatever is playing on the radio/CD player/etc, that's the highest compliment I can give you. I only sing around people I feel ultimately comfortable with.

4. I have to have 2 blue pens with lids at whatever register I work at.

5. When I have to go down in the basement, I turn on all the lights in every room in the basement and go up and down the stairs with my back to the wall, because I'm pretty sure there is an entity of some sort that lives in my basement.

6. My dad's side of the family is descendant (as far as we can tell) from the brother of the king of Scotland, MacGregor I, in 834 AD. Some fun (and famous) people in the MacGregor clan: Rob Roy MacGregor (who they made a movie about) and Black John Gregg (Scot-Irish 'pirate' in the late 1600's). The MacGregor clan was kicked out of Scotland around the 1200's because they were cattle thieves and started fights with other clans; almost destroying the Campbell clan. Upon death of having the name MacGregor, the clan changed their name to Gregor, Greggor, or Gregg and/or moved to Ireland. The first of my family's ancestors came over to Virginia in 1650, a William John Gregg. And that's how I got here. ^_^

7. I loooooooooooooooove Stove Top Stuffing. On a bad day (or is it a good day? :P) I can eat a whole box in a day (spread out over lunch and dinner).

I tag: akoumi, calmingsilence, cowpatch, jilrani, lokein, lotrchica, nyghtewynd

I swear to God it is. Because my bra strap keeps on moving! I think I have to readjust my stupid left bra strap at least 10 times in a work shift because it's threatening to become friends with my elbow!! Sheesh! And it's not just the current bra I'm wearing. It's damn near every bra I have. Grrr. And the bra I'm wearing now, the underwire part in the front part between the girls sticks out, so my shirt sticks out obviously. Well... I guess it's good that people know I'm wearing undergarments... but that leaves nothing to the imagination. And it makes the girls jiggle when I walk.

Stupid boobs.

ANYHOO. I did some thinking today at work about the name for my werewolf in Over the River/Magic & Moonlight, and I've narrowed his name down to three names. 1) Thane, 2) Creed, and 3) Roman. I got the idea for Roman from the last name of a customer's book order, and I thought that was a strong name. So yeah. One of those three names. I've gotten one vote apiece for Creed and Thane, so now we get to see who the tie breaker will be, or if some totally different name will take the prize. If you have any preference on one of those three names, lemme know!

I bought my two books that came in, and I'm excited. I think I'm going to save Wild Thing for my trip to Portland. It'll be good plane-layover reading. I also picked up another book, Forever Ours by Janis Amatuzio by recommendation of my counselor. This last week I had a session with him and I confided my immobilizing fear of dying and just ceasing to be. I strongly believe this overwhelming fear of my life ending and not being anymore comes from my shaky faith as of late, and my fear that I won't do anything memorable in my lifetime, and no one will remember me for anything decent. Kinda like how the pharaohs of Egypt wanted the pyramids and their sacred hieroglyphics to be the everlasting reminders of their great names and reigns. I think the Egyptians (or some similar ancient society) believed that if one's name was forgotten or lost, they ceased to exist in the afterlife... which was why it was so horrible when the priests and succeeding pharaoh carved off Akhenaten's name from the temple walls and erased his name's cartooche when he over-threw the pantheon of Egypt's poly-theistic religion and just wanted one god instead. So... yeah, to get back to my original point... I'm afraid that when I'm gone... my name and deeds will just fade away, be erased and have another person's name carved over mine... and it'll be like I never existed. So my counselor Tom told me of the Amatuzio book and said some pretty cool stories of people who have passed on in his family, and how they touched their living relatives in some cool ways to let them know they are still around, still watching, and that there's something after this. And he actually quoted (kinda) the Bible and told me that "our time here [on earth] is but a moment", and that there is something else for us after this. I'm going to read through that book, to hopefully refocus my physical and spiritual eyes to take notice of those spiritual guides, signs, and messages from God and from those beyond us.

I've had a from-the-beyond experience, back in my freshman year of college, not quite a year after my mom died. I was at a worship service on my campus and the silent time of prayer and reflection came. I don't remember what I was praying, or if I was even praying anything, but suddenly I felt arms around me. They were comforting, strong, and familiar. They were mom's arms. She was hugging me. That experience scared the living shit of me, and tipped off my first meltdown since she died. Then I started seeing a counselor basically once a week since then. So... yeah. I do believe in spirits. I believe that ghosts can haunt places. I believe that spirit energies can be attached to a place. I believe in demons and devils. I believe in the devil. I believe in God. I... I'm just not sure of what goes on after I leave here. I don't want to end. I don't want to just stop. My life has been so chaotic and unstable over the last few years, I'm not sure what's going to happen. I want to have some stability and know what's going to happen in my life before I die. I want to make sure that I live a full and fantastic life before my time comes to move on to the next stage of my soul's life.

So yeah. I think I might go read that book now... or go read something. My reading list just keeps growing and growing... *sigh*